Your life and happiness are a reflection of your thoughts and feelings about yourself. We can do all the work, forgive everyone, but if we are not extending that love and compassion to ourselves than any changes we make will only be temporary. I am noticing a recurring theme with my clients, my friends, and even myself:
We Are Our Own Worst Enemy
I can’t tell you how many times I hear women say horrible things about themselves. It almost seems as if beating yourself up, talking down about yourself to others and to yourself, purposely sabotaging, and hating yourself becomes a badge of honor. The women with the least amount of self-esteem wins! What the hell? When did this become our rallying call? When did we stop seeing our beauty? When did we become our own bully, our abuser and our own worst enemy?
I know my Inner Bully started when my abuser started whispering to me. “I was evil” “I make good people do bad things” That is horrible but it didn’t stop there, from that moment on, all I did was listen for the people I love to validate those things and they did, sometimes in arguments and other times innocently. So, I added a whole bunch more sentences and what they screamed to me was:
I Am Unworthy!
I believed this for decades and when I am not doing the internal work on a daily basis, I will hear this phrase thousands of times in a day. I fight to be whole, healthy, and happy both externally and internally.
It Always starts with putting my Inner Bully in the corner!
How do I do this? I have a list of questions I ask myself? I have rituals that I do, daily that help me remember that all that ickyness isn’t true and it isn’t me.
I AM WORTHY!!!
I am going to give you a few tips on how I put my Inner Bully in time out!
1.) Take Full Deep Breaths!
- It always starts with the breathing. I breath in love and exhale my pain.
2.) Stop Expecting Perfection!
- How often have you forgiven someone for making a mistake? Do expect everyone in your life to be perfect? You give them grace to make mistakes and when they do you let it go and love them anyways. It is time for you to do that for you.
3.) Think Of Mistakes As Learning Opportunities!
- We are human we will make mistakes. We do the best we can with what we have, and we do better when we know better. Stop viewing those mistakes as a way to prove your unworthiness but rather view them as part of the adventure that you are living and who knows those mistakes may end up being the best decisions and teachers of your life.
4.) Stop Comparing!
- There is always going to be someone out there that is better at something than you. Wanna know something amazing? You are better at something than them! You may not know what that is but there is something. We all have our own talents and gifts. Each one is as unique as our fingertips. Stop comparing who can do what better or faster. Instead focus on being the very best YOU, you can be!
5.) Be Kind!
- It is time to start being kind to yourself. Stop putting yourself down. This will take conscious effort. You are going to have to be aware of your internal dialogue. When those nasty thoughts come walking in. Walk them to the door!
You have beat yourself up for long enough. It is time for you to practice loving kindness to everyone and when I say everyone I mean You Too! Your Inner Bully will occasionally sneak out of the corner and start whispering in your ear. You have given it permission for decades, it won’t stop overnight but once you become aware of it you will be able to do it.
I have found that the less you judge yourself, the less you will judge other people. There is a lot of darkness, sadness, and hatred in the world. We need more light in today’s world and that all starts with our inner dialogue and learning to love and accept ourselves.
Even the smallest fleck of glitter catches the light and shines!
The same is true with our thoughts.
The smallest loving thought towards ourselves Grows!
Stop beating yourself up!
It is time to put your Inner Bully in timeout!
Life is too short for self-hatred, anxiety and regret!
I want you to make a list everyday of 7 things you love about yourself !!!
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