Last week I asked you to See Her, this week I am asking you, to See You! See where in your life you may be guilty of Spiritual Bypassing. It is so sneaky, it hides within the confines of love. It hides in our shadows. It is nice instead of kind. It removes all responsibility you have for your own life and those of people you love or come in contact.
Let me start by reminding you what Spiritual Bypassing is: it is going straight to the spiritual side of life. Allowing you to avoid dealing with the deep and sometimes painful reality of your own or someone else life.
“In a world of pain, the spiritual bypass is an ongoing temptation. It gives us something to believe in and a vision of what we are missing in our localized reality. Without it, many of us would have to suffer unbearable situations. At the same time, it can be a detour on the path to genuine spirituality. In our efforts to leapfrog to something better, we often avoid something crucial. Spirit becomes the crutch rather than the expression of a natural unfolding.”
Robert Augustus Masters
While it is usually done with the best of intentions; it will never lead you to a full authentic life or into authentic relationships with those you love. So let’s see how by Spiritual Bypassing, you may not be Seeing You.
- Everything is Happening as it Should Bypass – When I first started coaching, I thought this was a magical phrase and I still do when used properly. However, if you are using this phrase, Everything Is Happening As It Should, as a way to not feel painful emotions, to sidestep your own painful story, or to not sit with someone who is currently in pain, it becomes poison. In order for the magic of the phrase, Everything Is Happening As It Should, you have to navigate the deep waters of your personal pain, you have to see it feel it and embrace it. When you do this for yourself you are able to see how everything has shaped you into the Warrior you currently are but you have to, Do The Work First. And you can never expect someone else to jump on board with you. If you are using this to delegitimize someones pain, it is Spiritual Bypassing.
- Follow Your Bliss and Be Happy Bypass – This is the one where you just jump to happiness. You can’t sit with your pain so you hop onto the happy bus. If you can’t sit and witness your own pain, you can never fully sit with someone else and their pain.
- My Story Is the Only Truth Bypass – When we start telling our truth and living our story this is a hard trap to not fall into. We feel we have done the work, and the people in our life, the people who have hurt us, and that we forgive, need to accept our truth. We rarely take the time to ask them what is Their Truth. We have to acknowledge that their truth is as real to them, as ours is to us. Being able to see that two opposite truths can be birthed out of the same experience, is not always easy. It requires of us to go deeper into our shared stories. We have to come to peace with the duality of life and not Spiritually Bypass ourselves or the people in our lives.
- Not My Fault Bypass – We are human we are going to do things that hurt others, sometimes it is intentional, sometimes unintentional. But we have to be able sit with anyone who feels they have been hurt by us. Yes, they own their feelings but people need to be heard. Like I mentioned before two truths can exist at the same time. We cannot side step our responsibility for situations, even our unintentional actions.
- You Chose Your Life Bypass – There is a power to the belief that, “You have chosen this life. You are burning off negative Karma. These are the lessons you came to learn” You get to use these phrases for yourself anytime you like but to use this as a way to deflect or ignore the pain of another person is not only not helpful but is harmful.
- God Is In Control Bypass – “Don’t worry God is in Control. I am praying for you. God never gives us more than we can handle.” These statements take control away from you and your responsibility. It also creates a system of shame, regret, and victimhood. This is a way for you to release you or someone else from the responsibility of action. You have no responsibly for how things turn out. You are just there like any furniture you may have in the room, unable to actually enact any kind of change in yourself or others.You start to believe the lie that you are powerless. When you are in fact, Very Powerful!
- Forgiveness Bypass – When Spiritual Bypassing is your go to method of hiding you usually will be an expert at this. You will jump straight into forgiveness when you have been hurt. When you jump to forgiveness, you bypass the emotional and spiritual work that can help everyone involved. This keeps you stuck in the role of martyr, keeping you the victim and never allowing true forgiveness to occur. If what you crave is authentic relationships, you have to work through the pain and into healing. And don’t forget that: You deserve the Love and Forgiveness you give away!
I speak from experience that when you start seeing where you have Spiritually Bypassed others, you will start seeing how you have done this to yourself. How this seemingly harmless behavior is actually ruining your relationship with yourself and others. This isn’t always an easy process, but the rewards are unmeasurable and indescribable.
You Deserve To See You!
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