There are big changes taking place in my little part of the world. Amazing, beautiful, technicolor, glitter filled days are ahead and I am seeing something beautiful starting to take shape. I am in awe, scared, excited, and ready to step into the next adventure.
When people look at all the amazing things that are happening they don’t always see the broken, rocky road I had to take to get to this point. They don’t see the earthquakes that had to destroy all that I had previously known in order for this sacred journey to begin.
A few months ago when all these amazing things started coming I thought YES, the path is going to get easier now. Boy I couldn’t have been more wrong, I still had and still have a lot left to release. Just when I thought my life was set and I had it all figured out, it exploded!!! Not in that, oh was that an earthquake kind of way, no I mean in the tsunami kind of way. Where you wake up and nothing looks like it did the morning before and where every belief you held, everything that was unshakeable has shaken and lies in rubble at your feet.
It was in those moments laying on the floor in a fetal position, where even breathing hurt, when I was completely broken, that I remembered that there is a price to every change. Just the other day I read a blog that talked about that price.
Nick Polizzi says it best “I’ve heard it said that the wise soul dies many times in this life, shedding countless skins of past selves, like old clothes that no longer fit. It keeps what is necessary to serve the mission, and discards the rest, learning to abandon sentimentality and attachment along the way.”
The path I am on is going to result in a thousand deaths. But I am not alone; I have beautiful souls who have agreed to walk with me. They reminded me that this pain and uncertainty is what is called the tipping point, this is Resistance with a capital R. This was the cost I would have to pay to do this work and this was the universes way of seeing if I was really ready to do the work of my soul. I won’t lie, for almost a month I didn’t know if I was ready to shed all that I knew, to die yet another death, in order to do this work. There were times where I asked myself why do this, why not just put another mask on and go on my happy way. There were late night phone calls and moments where I questioned everything.
I have decided that it was worth it, that I am worth it. That I don’t have to be perfect to do this work. The fact that I am not perfect is what makes me ready to do this work. So, I made the phone calls; I reconnected with and apologized to people who I had hurt. I could be right or I could be happy. I would choose to love. I would admit where I had failed and I would learn from my mistakes. I would set up healthy boundaries. I don’t have all the answers but that is okay. I would love myself and allow myself to feel whatever I felt without judgement. I am changing I am growing I am breathing. I am making friends with discomfort; it means I am learning and growing. I accepted that at this moment I was fragile, because I was changing. Change is scary, you have no idea who you will be or what your life will look like after the changes happen. I have to be willing to walk into the world naked all of my soft spots, all of my insecurities open for all to see and judge. I have to be okay with people who will look at me and think who does she think she is? I may be mocked, I may be judged, I may epically fail but…
I might just fly! I might just live the life I have only dreamed of. I might be able to help people. I might just step into my own and help people step into their own.
So I have squared back my shoulders, softened my heart, raised my head, and opened my arms to all that the future holds. I have taken huge leaps off cliffs with no safety cord, only that I have a gift and I want to share that gift with the world.
There are EPIC adventures being planned. There are EPIC adventures starting. I recently concluded my Reiki 1 & 2 so I am now certified and able to do the energy healing for others that I have been doing for my family for years. I have set up space in a local salon where I can do this sacred work. I didn’t even have to go looking for the space, it came to me. I am constantly amazed at the synchronicity of life.
What I have learned over the past few months is that as soon as I think I have all the answers, and I finally get it, that is the moment when I am getting ready to step into some pretty amazing changes. Maybe that earthquake was just the clearing out; so that the glitter filled life could emerge. Changes aren’t bad they are beautiful; it just might take awhile to see the beauty.