I love this time of year, when the leaves start to change colors and fall off the trees, the air is crisp, the smell of fires greet you upon waking, and coffee tastes just a little bit better. There is something magical in watching green leaves turn red, yellow, and brown. This year, I am embracing Fall as a spiritual lesson. I am blown away at the wonder that surrounds me and how very much I have to learn from nature and the changing of the Seasons. I think I am going to take my cues in the coming year from the Seasons that surround me. In Fall, I will shed the things that no longer serve me, Winter I will I rest, Spring I will plant new ideas, and Summer is when I will experience all those things that I planted in Spring.
Fall and Winter will be full of deep thoughts and feelings. I have to accept and let go of everything that has happened this year, let it fall off of me and let the wind carry it away. Never before have I had a year like this, there have been mountainous highs and cavernous lows, and I am so very grateful for all of it. For those of you who have been part of the day to day struggles thank you, a million times over, thank you. You know exactly why I say I am grateful for this year. To say this has been a rough year is to put it mildly, but looking back over this year I realize I have learned so much and there is much to be grateful for.
I have learned about the power of NOW, to be grateful for this moment. If I am joyful, I am grateful, if I am sad, I am grateful, if I am sick, I am grateful, if I am hopeful, I am grateful, if I am angry I am grateful, if I am crazy in love I am grateful. No matter where NOW is or what emotion I am feeling I am grateful.
It has taken a year of complete chaos to embrace this kind of gratitude. A year full of more questions than answers to realize that life is about the questions, it is not about finding the answers. From the moment we put my dad on hospice and were told that my dad was going to die within three months, to today when he is healthier than I have seen him in years I have learned that what may be true today may not be true tomorrow and that is okay. Sometimes things not working out as planned is a wonderful gift.
My health crisis has changed me in such a profound way. To go from one day being able to do anything, to lying in a hospital bed, to learning how to live in a new way has been humbling. As crazy as this might sound I want to scream thank you to the universe for this gift. I feel in so many ways reborn, are there still bad days sure, were there days where I spent the day crying in bed, yes, but it has freed me. I was told had I not gotten medical attention when I did I might not be here today! Wow! To be given a second chance at life is such a gift. Colors are brighter, music sounds more angelic, food is more flavorful and the feeling of love whether it is for Eric, my kids, my family, or my friends courses through me in a way it never has before, every cell sings of my love for this life I have been given. I no longer care to waste time on things that don’t matter. Paint colors, a broken glass, medical bills, spilled milk, all the crazy mundane unimportant things they don’t matter. We don’t have to agree on everything or even anything. All that matters is that for as long as I have left I want to love you because my love for you is all that will remain, when today is gone.
I think one of the things that has changed the most is that thoughts of magic, wonder, and the Divine fill my days now more than ever. I long to sit in silence and breathe in all that surrounds me, to listen to the song of the birds, the bark of a dog, the laughter of my family, these are the things I need. I long to touch and be touched. I love to sit with my circle and have talks about this mystery we call G*d, not religion but this mysterious energy that moves within us and around us. I find myself returning to old rituals, not because my salvation depends on it but rather because I long to be in relationship with the Divine. I find myself adding new rituals and prayers, in a way to connect in a deeper way to the Divine. I find G*d in everything from the Bible to a great novel. I see G*d in my family and the homeless drug addict on the corner. When I think about my mother, my daughter, and myself I see the Crone, Maiden, and Mother and am in awe and grateful for the wisdom that each of these phases offer. Divine no longer is a man up in the air but rather G*d is in every molecule that is. I find synchronicity in everything and in everything beauty.
So this fall I isn’t so much about removing things as it is reveling in the beauty of what was once in my life and what continues to be here now. Just like the leaves that were once so beautiful when they were green and new on the tree, they are now beautiful in shades of orange and yellow. Those leaves will continue to be beautiful as they break down and become the soil for new things to grow. I will be in the NOW this fall, being quiet and enjoying the presence of the Divine.
I wanted to share with you my current breathing space. The music and pictures are so relaxing. Have a Blessed Fall!!!