We all want to avoid pain, it is part of our human nature to run in the opposite direction of pain. While this may serve us when avoiding physical pain, to do so with our emotional pain is not only foolish it is dangerous to us and those we love.
I am a big believer in happiness, examining your thoughts, and creating your life. But to just say, “your thoughts create your reality”, is ridiculous. Yes, in any given moment or situation we get to choose our thoughts but to do so without those moments of curled up on the floor crying in anguish, radical honesty, with yourself and others and eyes wide open, you are just changing the radio channel to another static filled tone. Never fully able to hear the beautiful melody of life.
I know we all want transformation with as little work as possible but life doesn’t work that way. In order for you to get lasting transformation; You have to Do The Work. I hear people all the time saying I don’t know why I keep having these things happen, I don’t know why life isn’t working? The first thing I say is, “tell me your story and hold nothing back”. Why? Because while you don’t want to live in the past you do need to acknowledge it. To jump to changing your thought, is to Spiritually Bypass the work, so any answer you get or changes you make will not be long-lasting. There is no easy button, no quick fix to life’s tricky questions. Going to a few yoga classes, reading a few books, attending a few seminars are just band aids that will wear out.
You have to get into the mud of your life, that is where the lotus blooms.
Your pain, my pain, our collective pain is a gift that is only truly unwrapped when we move past Spiritual Bypassing.
So how do we do avoid Spiritual Bypassing?
- Stop Resisting: Whatever we Resist – Persists! I know I hate it too, but it is true. If we keep resisting our emotions and refuse to question our long-held beliefs the lessons will keep coming only each time it will get harder and harder. You will only be able to accept all emotions, all experiences, all evil you have experienced and done from a place of loving compassion; when you Stop Resisting.
- Get Into The Mud: Engage every emotion, no matter how painful. My recommendation is to do it with the heart of a warrior. What does that mean? That means you don’t play the victim. When I first started this years ago, I started writing my story about whatever issue was causing me pain. Then I stopped, took a deep breath, and said okay, this is how I am feeling Now. This is my truth of what happened. I can ignore it or I can feel it. I chose to feel it and I did. I felt it until I was truly ready to move from the victim to the warrior, some days that was minutes others it was months and with the really deep pains it took years. Then I wrote my hero’s story. By doing that, I was able to look at the way my past has helped me grow rather than weaken me.
- Get Out Of Your Head: I encourage you to read and attend seminars. I encourage to do yoga and meditate. These are amazing tools you can use but you have to implement them consistently in your life. They can’t just live in your head, you have to feel them, live them, and become them. If you are doing this from your head it won’t create lasting change. Get Out Of Your Head and Into Your Heart.
- Don’t Do It Alone: You don’t have to have something be wrong or have your life be a mess for you to get help. I encourage you to get a Counselor or a Life Coach, no matter if you are living your dream or trying to escape a nightmare. No, a friend doesn’t count! Why? Because they love you, this is a good thing, but it can also inhibit your growth. They aren’t objective, they have well-meaning motivations for not wanting you to change. Having someone who isn’t in the glittery mud of your life will be able to offer you a safe place to share even your darkest emotions without judgement. They also will not be afraid to hold you accountable when you are staying the victim and moving into hero/warrior.
- Open Your Eyes and Ears: I am not going to lie this one gets hard. This is where you start noticing when you start to make excuses for yourself or you notice you have only one side of the story. When I started doing this work I realized that because of deep grief, I had no compassion for people who were Muslim. I could have ignored this and lived with these hurtful and hateful thoughts for my whole life and blamed an entire religion or region for my pain. Or I could Do The Work. This work took years of reading books, talking to people of all faiths, and embracing and eventually loving a kind, peaceful, and loving Muslim man.
- No Blocking Allowed: We live in a society where we hide, cover, judge, suppress, and kill any kind of painful emotion. This is not allowed anymore. No more food binges, alcohol drinking, mindless sex, pill popping, or anything that will turn off what you are feeling. If you are going to stop Spiritually Bypassing you are going to have to stop numbing and start making peace with what you are experiencing. This is where you learn to, love what is.
- Acceptance: Once you awaken to Spiritual Bypassing you will never be able to stop seeing when you are doing it. You are a glorious gift from the Divine to this world, at this time. Your unique gifts, story, and love are needed, now more than ever.
Accept That, Embrace That, You Are Made For This!
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