I have spent my life being a people pleaser. I thought that if someone didn’t like me than there must be something wrong with me. It couldn’t possibly be that we just weren’t compatible. If my kids were mad at me, I would whip up a batch of cookies. If a friend seemed disappointed because I was unable to meet her needs I would take her to dinner and tell her “I’m sorry for disappointing you.” And despite all my efforts to be liked by everyone, there are people who just don’t like me. This led to many sleepless nights trying to figure out what about me I could change so that they would change their thoughts about me.
For the last 40 years, my need to be loved by everyone, overshadowed every aspect of my life. I was always trying to manipulate others perception of me; I became a chameleon. I was mirroring others never showing up as me. Not only was it draining, but it hurt the people I loved as much as it was hurting me. The truth was no one really knew me- the real me- because I never showed up. How could someone like and love me if all I was was a projection of what I thought they wanted or needed me to be?
This all started to change last year and has finally taken root in my life in the last month. Six months ago I had the privilege to be coached by Life Coach Darren Stoupe, who told me that just because I wasn’t all in with someone didn’t mean I was against them and the same was true for them.
WHAT THE HOLY HELL!!!!
You mean I can disagree but still love them? They can disagree with me but that doesn’t mean they are out to destroy my life. Stop the boat this was huge. It meant I could disagree without feeling like I was a horrible person. It meant I could show up, all of me and if they didn’t like it, no big deal.
Then I heard Brooke Castillo talk about the peach and finally it all made sense. I can’t tell you how many times a day I use this analogy with myself, my family, and my clients.
So the story goes like this:
I am eating this perfectly round juicy peach. The sweetness of the juice runs down the back of my throat and I am in peachy heaven. You walk by and see me eating this amazing peach and notice that I am fully present in the moment with this peach. When talking to me you realize you must taste this fruit of the gods. It is obviously beyond delicious. So I hand you my peach.
You can’t wait to take your first bite. You slowly open your mouth and take the bite. The moment it touches your tongue you feel the furry skin. GROSS!!! It is too sweet , too juicy, and you quickly spit it out. It was the most disgusting thing you have ever tasted.
Who was right about the peach? You or me?
Both and neither, you see it was the same peach. I loved it, you hated it. We put it down on the picnic table and look at it. Guess what it is still a peach. We just have different taste buds but at the end of the day the peach is still just a peach regardless if I love it or you hate it.
People are like that peach. When meeting new people, we bring all of our own thoughts to them. Heck even if we have known our whole lives we are bringing our story of them to the equation. But if we step back and take another look we realize they are a peach, just like you. No better, no worse, just another peach and you determine if they are your kind of peach or not. If they are great, great, if they aren’t, great just remember that is your experience of them. They are just the peach. They are someone’s delectable peach even if they aren’t yours. Show up, be you, be all of your glorious peachiness and if they don’t like you, no big deal, you aren’t their kind of peach, if you don’t like them no big deal, they aren’t your kind of peach. Your experience and thoughts about them say more about you than it does about them.
I’M A PEACH
YOU’RE A PEACH
WE’RE ALL JUST PEACHY!!