With a look of befuddlement, by the way doctors should NEVER look befuddled; the doctor informs us our son is unique. Really, no shit Sherlock is what I want to say. Of course he is unique, he is fabulous, he is the steady in the midst of any crisis, he has an innate ability to make anyone feel better, his sense of dry humor leaves us all speechless, little kids love him, older people adore him, mothers are already claiming him for their daughters, oh and he has great immunities, in 15 years he has never been on antibiotics. This is why what was supposed to be a simple doctor’s appointment over a month ago that has now turned into second opinions and more tests has left my world feeling very off-center. It makes me want to put up a gate, grow all my food, and never leave our little piece of heaven ever again. But I don’t really want to talk about this, for this is just to unnerving for me. Instead I want to talk about “mommy’s little helpers”.
Every morning no matter what I take a 10 minute soak in the tub before starting my day. I know I am wasting water but it is my form of meditation so deal with it. Anyways, I found myself reading a current article by Martha Beck about letting go of worry. This article title produced an almost inhuman groan. Really let go, are you serious, do you have any idea what would happen if I did this? What caught my eye was this passage.
“Are my helpers crutches? You betcha. Mama needs crutches and she doesn’t worry one little bit about using them. “
This got me thinking about my crutches, the people who I have told not only about my dad but also I have trusted enough to share my fears about Joe. They are the people who I call because they are going to tell me the truth, make me laugh, bring new insight, or just listen. They are not the people who are asking out of morbid curiosity but rather they really care, they always have. They don’t offer the not helpful I will pray, or just have faith, or any other traditional crap people like to say. A note here, people stop saying stupid shit like this, it makes people in the midst want to bitch slap you! Nope these friend call and bitch, share delicious gossip, or listen to me start to panic and tell me to eat chocolate. They call under the guise of one thing but I know they are calling because they want to make sure I am okay. They are all so beautiful and unique. My life is infinitely better because of them; they have kept me out of the not so pretty padded room over the last month. You expect this from your family and I am so blessed with family that has been there through my dad’s illness and this thing with Joe. But my friends don’t have to be there, they have no blood tie to me. They do it just because they are who they are. So I want to publicly thank them, to put out there in the universe for all people to know how amazing they are.
Lee Ann, my grasshopper, my soul friend,the keeper of all my secrets, the one who knows it all and loves me anyways. Almost 15 years later you are still my safe place in the midst of any storm, your voice is always in my head WWLD, What Would Lee Ann Do? You truly are the smartest, wisest person I have ever met. I know I don’t tell you enough, I love you!
Jennifer, how you have not killed me yet I do not know. I know you like people to think you are oh so tough but girl you have the biggest heart I have met. You tell the truth, always. I love that about you. I always know where I stand with you. I always know that if truth is what I seek you will give it. What a gift! Oh and you still answer the phone knowing I have done exactly what you have told me not to and tried to make a Google diagnosis. To top it off you answer it and then laugh at me and tell me to knock it off and that I am crazy. I love it when you tell me I am crazy.
Monica, you just let me be, you are steady and quiet, and you don’t ask questions. You let me share whatever I feel like and let me move on. Oh and you tease me when I start showing crack. 😉
Tara, oh what would I do without your sense of humor? You get it, you are an amazing mother, you always put your kids first and I admire that so much about you. I only hope I can be half the mother you are. I love that we are secret keepers in the world together. I love that you laugh when I throw you into a car; I love that every time I talk with you my abs hurt from laughing so hard. I love that you exaggerate Portland stories! I am sure I never used you for a pole!
Allyson, thank you for researching, for doing all the leg work I am too afraid to do, for offering up your own stories and help. Thank you for reminding me that getting a second opinion is okay that I don’t have to worry about hurting the other doctor’s feelings. Thank you for sharing Nola with us. What an amazing joy she is, you cannot be filled with worry when she is around you just laugh.
I have two Pams to thank so let’s start with Pam Ballo, Pam your soul is beyond words. Your light shines brighter than anything I have ever been around. Just the sound of your voice grounds me, yet at the same time makes me feel weightless. Like the world is mine for the taking, that all things are possible. Thank you for encouraging me to start blogging again.
Pam, my friend born of flames. You are there always, I know there is nothing in the world you wouldn’t do for us, and you would even break laws if I needed you to. I find this amazing that someone could love us that much. The most beautiful and humbling things is how you love my kids as if they are your own. I feel so blessed to know that there is no favor to big that I couldn’t ask you or Rex. Oh and you let me call you Pamdula and Rex lets me call him my Rexypoopoo! 😉
So thank you my helpers, my crutches, my friends. When the world feels scary, and uncertain you fill it with life, love, laughter, and some really inappropriate behavior! I love you all so much. Thank you for being this momma’s little helpers, you are better than any drug a doctor could give. And you are even better with a few cocktails in you. 😉