The clothes have been washed, the suitcases are being packed, I have made my lists and I am in the process of checking them for the hundredth time. In less than 48 hours I will board a plane and start my training to become a life coach. I knew this was my calling the minute I met my first life coach. I just didn’t know the how, when, or where. Well now I know, I found the how, the when, and I will be arriving at the where on Thursday.
There are a million thoughts running through my mind, I am over the moon excited! I know this is exactly what I am suppose to be doing, this is what I was born to do. Everything good, bad, and downright ugly has been preparing me for this moment.
But, here’s the thing: if you know me, I say this a lot, usually before I explain away something I don’t like, someones bad behavior, or really tell you my truth. I guess I feel a need to warn people before I start, so I give them a warning phrase.
So, here’s the thing, I am scared to death. If you have known me for anytime you know that leaving my family is something I just don’t do. I have left my kids more in the last year than I have in the last 23 years, but those trips were for others. In fact, every trip I have ever made has been for others. But this, THIS is different. From the moment I found out I was 16 and pregnant there has not been one choice that has not been made for the family unit. I have beyond dedicated my life to my children and Eric. This time is different, this is mine, this is my dream, this is all me stepping out and grasping hold of a dream I have held for years. This is something that yes will help the family but this is MY DREAM! This is me taking money from the unit so that I can follow the call of my soul. My family has sacrificed a lot to make this happen, I am full of gratitude until I start “thinking”. That is when the fears start, what if I am wrong? What if I am not good at this? What if I chose the wrong teacher? What if I do all this and fail? I don’t fail well. I have laughingly said I don’t make “BIG” mistakes. There is only one time in my life that I just went with the flow without thinking of the consequences and that is how I ended up 16 and pregnant. 😉 Ashlin has been my greatest gift and teacher and I am so blessed that she has agreed to be on this journey with me but I chose the hard way for her and me and I never wanted to do anything that would ever make her or my life harder so every decision I have made since has been over thought and every possible outcome has been played out and if there was any doubt it went in the no category. Almost everything has gone in the no catorgory. I have never put myself in a position to fail. I have played it safe, until this year.
The other day I heard this song and thought If I could choose and anthem for this year this would be it.
It got me thinking, next to marrying Eric, this is the bravest thing I have ever done. No offense to Eric, but come on getting married at 16, moving across the country to a city and state you have never been to, with no friends or family and with a new baby is pretty damn brave! In 48 hours I will be boarding a plane to arrive at an airport with no one I know waiting for me, I will get in a car with people I don’t know, to arrive in a city I have never been to, I will check into a hotel all by myself and stay there for ten days. I don’t think I have ever slept alone for ten days.
I have been told to expect to spend the first few days in tears. That the training will break down every false belief I have held and every wound I haven’t let heal , and I will be doing all of this with a group of people I have never met. I will be sharing my wounds, fears, and my story with strangers. That is why this is called an intensive training, it isn’t for the faint of heart. In order to do this work with others, you must first do the work on yourself. But I have also been told that after everything has been stripped away I will start learning how to rebuild myself, how to take the cracks and fill them with glitter. It is in the cracks that the beauty comes through.
So whenever I start to panic and have doubts I ask myself,
How Big Is Your Brave, Michelle?
I AM EPICALLY BRAVE!!!!
IT IS TIME TO LET THE LIGHT IN AND MY LIGHT OUT!
My question to you is:
How Big Is Your Brave?
My challenge to you is:
SHOW ME HOW BIG YOUR BRAVE IS!!!!!
Turn the volume up
dance your BRAVE HEART OUT!!!!