As women we know how to give love, we know how to look at the world and see that lies between what is said and what is unsaid, we know how to read the hand gestures, or the eyes of those we love. This is an amazing and mystical gift but it can also be our downfall because we can become our biggest adversaries. We give more love, more compassion, more affection, and more attention to others. We support their hopes and dreams at the expense of our own. We become so entangled in those we love that we stop seeing where we begin and they end. We start unbecoming, so that they can become. Which sounds lovely in theory but is usually detrimental to our own lives and to our physical, emotional, and spiritual wellness. We begin to see our worth through someone else eyes, which contain their own wounds that have nothing to do with us. We decide through small actions to be nice, rather than kind, to be happy rather than right, and in the saddest of most cases we decide to fake it until they become everything that we know they can be. We become two people, locked within one soul.
These behaviors have their place and can work for a time. I believe that there are times and places where this is not only helpful but necessary, to help you survive a specific stage in your life. But when we hand over our personal power and happiness to another, we become their slave. They may not even know we have done it but we become a slave to their moods, emotions, and actions. This is when we start to suffer. When we have given this kind of power over us to someone other than ourselves, we kill ourselves slowly. Could it be that, some of our illnesses, are our souls way of trying to wake us up? That maybe our soul would rather die than continue in unhealthy patterns?
So, how do we fix this? How do we start the slow painful yet ultimately beautiful journey back to ourselves? You do this by Choosing You.
YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE YOURSELF
You have to start stitching together pieces of yourself, no matter how painful it is. I am not going to lie, it is going to hurt and you may find, that as you start to sew, people, places, and things that you want to stitch into yourself no longer fit. You will start to see unhealthy patterns within your relationships with others and yourself. This is when you realize that no, everyone doesn’t have to like you and that is okay. That others may not understand or like the decisions you are making but those decisions are necessary for your healing.
I have heard this explained like peeling onions. Every layer you pull gives you a fuller picture of who you are, where you are going, who is there to stay and who needs to leave. An onion when added to our food can add a ton of flavor, but in order to get it into our food we have to cut it and it releases chemicals that make us cry. But the tears are worth the flavor it adds. The onion has strong metaphoric magic, just as peeling back the onion of our emotional and spiritual life will add flavor to our lives, it will also make us cry. Stop fighting the tears, let them come, accept them, get curious about the lessons they are waiting to teach you. Finally, let the tears wash all the unworthiness you feel, all the pain, all the lack of love away.
I do have a pet peeve, I want to warn you about. Try not to fall into everything happens as it is meant to happen trap! That whatever trauma you are healing from, was meant to happen. That is bull shit. How can I be so sure that everything does not happens because it should? Because there are some very evil people out there and innocence is usually what they hunt. So no, you were not destined to endure every horrible thing that has happened to you. This is life, it is beauty and pain, love and hate, sickness and healing. So while these things should never have happened, they did, you can’t fight that. But now what? How do you heal from something that you couldn’t avoid?
This is where, for me, the really hard work comes into play. It is your job, to find beauty somewhere hidden within that pain. To make this horrible pain into some kind of heroes story for yourself. And in order to do this, to really find the beauty from pain, you’re going to have to pull back every layer of that onion. You will have to pull until every tear has been shed and the lesson, the hero’s story, is in full view. I also believe that in order to really do this work we have to 100% choose ourselves, no matter how much it hurts. Because underneath all of this pain, is magic. No longer will complacency be acceptable, no longer will half-assed love be acceptable, no longer will negative self talk be acceptable, no longer will living half a life, be acceptable. You were made for something more than mediocre. You will fully be able to understand the deep meaning of being your own best friend, your own lover, and your own caretaker. Finally, you will understand that soul healing can only happen when you choose you. That my dear, is when the magic starts to flow. That is when synchronicity will start to happen around you. You become the hero you have always needed. You become the teller of your story. We spend so much of our lives unbecoming isn’t it time We Become?
When You Chose You,