This Sunday was a Supermoon, meaning that this moon is super close to the earth. What is so great about this Supermoon is it appeared 7 percent larger and 16 percent brighter than usual. It also so happens that here, on the Oregon Coast, we were able to see it, which is not always the case when you live where there is almost constant clouds and rain.
Since I was a little girl I have loved the moon, even though I spent most of my childhood and adult years afraid of the dark. This deep love for the moon was a gift from my mother. I remember my mom singing the song ,” My Sweethearts The Man In The Moon”, we would sing it whenever we would see the moon, in any lunar cycle. My mother created this magical feeling around the moon. When I became a mother I did the same thing and added some of my own traditions with my kids. The moon always has and always will be a symbol of safety and hope.
This Supermoon I did something totally new, I attended a Full Moon Women’s Circle At Blue Brine Yoga.
What is a Women’s Circle?
A Women’s Circle is when a group of woman of all ages, races, and sexual orientation come together, usually once a month to share. We purposely carve time out of our busy lives to pause and slow down. For a few hours we silence the demands and frenzy of the outside world to sit with each other. To witness our needs, and the needs of the other women, to bring the Divine Feminine back into our lives. Trusting that we are safe and that the stories we share are safe within that circle.
The theme for this Women’s Circle was:
“This circle’s theme will be “Letting Go” as we explore the power of the Full Moon and opportunities to release anything that inhibits our ability to meet the Present with the Love and Openness it deserves.”
This sounded great when I saw it online and if felt great when I walked in. Then we did our guided meditation. What was I going to let go of? I immediately had a “should list” in mind. But if you have ever been coached by me or even are my friend you know the minute I hear “should” my hackles go up. Should, usually is something out of alignment with who you are and where you are in your spiritual practice.
So what are my shoulds?
- I should let go of hurt.
- I should let go of anger.
- I should let go of mistrust.
- I should let go of the rage.
All of these shoulds could physically be felt by my body. My throat was squeezing shut and along with that, a 2 ton elephant had sat on my chest. I felt the need to run as far and as fast as I could. I realized if I was shoulding myself I wasn’t really doing any spiritual work. Last year I worked with an amazing Ayurvedic Practitioner, Stacy Worley. She asked me, “Are you open to being open?” I have found this to be one of the most beautiful and gentle ways to get back to center in any situation.
Why was I not ready to let go of these things?
- I am extremely hurt because I was betrayed.
- I am angry because there are really shitty people in the world.
- I don’t trust because I was lied to.
- I am full of rage because people hurt my family and while one of them is thankfully in prison for hopefully, the remainder of his life. There are others who willfully and flagrantly supported this individual, knowing he is a monster.
So where did that leave me, when I let go of all the should’s?
What could I let go of?
I am letting go of the need to make it nice for others.
I am a people pleaser. It is as much a part of me as my hair color and while it can be a beautiful gift it can also be extremely damaging. So what does it mean that I am letting go of my need to make it nice? It means I am not going to back down, be silent, or rush to forgiveness. I am not going to make it nice for the people who enabled this monster to lie and hurt people. I am going to become that eagle with my eyes wide open. I am also going to be open to opening my heart.
I am going to be real!
Sometimes real isn’t pretty. Sometimes being real hurts. But nothing hurts as much as making it nice for others at the expense of yourself and your values. This beautiful Supermoon I laid down my need to make it nice and picked up my soul by being real and vulnerable. I am perfectly okay with my not okayedness, and I am Open to Being Open.
I want to share with you a song that came on when I was writing. I do not believe life happens in a vacuum. I believe that sychronicities are always happening. For instance, Amanda, the woman holding the space at Blue Brine Yoga talked about the power of the Hindu Goddess Kali, during our opening circle. I have been embracing her since Novemember 2016 and it has given me an internal strength I didn’t know I had but this year I would need. Her mentioning Kali, opened the door for me to let go my need to make it nice. And this song, well I think this song pretty much says it all. BTW, country isn’t my favorite music so Pandora kicking this one into the mix, was perfect.
And Universe, I am listening.