For the month of November, I have tried to post something daily that I am grateful for and so far they have been all warm and fuzzy things. My family, a home, friends, you know all the things that make us smile when we think of them. Today, I am grateful for the things we don’t often talk about. They are the things we tend to curse but they are also things we need to be thankful for. I am thankful for everything that has brought me to my knees, for every heartbreak, for every unanswered prayer, for every betrayal, for every death, for all of it I am grateful.
For in those moment of despair I was not broken but my heart was broken open. I may not have seen it at the time, in fact it may have taken years but those things changed me at the very core of my being and it is good. I am who I am today because of every word in my story not just the good ones.
I can hear you now say well must be nice you don’t understand how hard my walk has been you haven’t lived my walk. You are right and I want you to know I see and hear you. I may not have walked your walk but I have walked mine and as much as I love glitter and rainbows, my life hasn’t always been full of them. I love these things so much because I know broken, lying on the bathroom floor, begging some divine being to just let the pain stop, to just take me home. I also know that there is another way. I know I don’t have to be the victim unless I chose it. I know that the only thing in my story I can control, is the story I tell myself about what has happened. I don’t know if things happen to teach you or not but I know I can choose to learn something from everything and if I can then no matter what happens, something beautiful will emerge. I choose to be thankful for all of it.
To my abuser, thank you.
To the church who protected him, thank you.
To the adults who didn’t protect me, thank you.
To the friends who betrayed me, thank you.
To the people I have loved and have died, thank you.
To all the people who know what they did but I am still protecting, thank you.
To the ones who walked away, when things got rough, thank you.
To the military for not providing support to the wives
after their husbands came back from war, thank you.
To me for all the times I have hurt myself, thank you.
To all of it,
to all of you,
to the good,
I am thankful for everything for it is in the beauty and the brokenness of my story that wholeness is found.