It is in times like these that who and what you are comes to the surface. It is also in times like these that who and what others are is made even clearer.
So who am I? I was a recovering type A, notice I write recovering here because with everything going on I have returned to this. I am color coding, organizing, alphabetizing, and list making. I know this is an outward expression of the inward feelings of a complete lack of control. I cannot control anything that is going on but I can control if everything is where it belongs and that I will be as prepared as possible for any scenario that comes up. Hence the overnight bag that I have in my car in case I need to be away from home for any amount of time. It is my way of trying to make order out of chaos. Plus it gives you something to tease me about so everyone wins.
Back to the original question, who am I? I am a daughter, a mother, a wife, and a friend. I am fiercely loyal and protective of those I love. I have little to no patience for people who would do anything to hurt anyone I love. Do whatever you like to me but proceed with extreme caution when approaching anyone I love. When I love you, I love you and there is nothing in the whole world I would not do for you. Hence, the joke around here is,” tell her to jump and she will ask how high”. Right now all of this energy is focused solely on my mother and father. Their wish is my command it is that simple. In fact, it is even better if I can figure out what their wish is before it is verbalized and do it. Want cookies, done. Need water you got it. Dirty laundry or dishes no problem I can finish that up in a blink of an eye. Going to a doctor’s appointment I am there, if I can’t be I will send you with goodies for the doctor and his office staff. Why because I know that they will give you good care without them but if they know that I took the time to send in goodies then hopefully they will take extra time to make sure you are okay. Or at least they will know how important you are to me and how much I appreciate their time. Cookies are also a warning that you had better not mess up. Who knew cookies could also be a threat. 😉
I think what has surprised me the most is the amount of love we have been shown. Between the phone calls, emails, offers of food and support I am beyond humbled. Of course there are always those people who don’t show up or if they do it is only for the gossip or drama factor but that is okay because now I know who I can and can’t count on. Never once through this whole thing have I felt alone, THANK YOU! I knew that help was only a phone call away, if I needed it. There are those few extra special souls that have been there to speak words of wisdom, to remind me that it is okay to feel whatever it is I need to feel, that boundaries are a good thing, and to make me laugh. Even if their jokes are off color, or a little inappropriate laughter does a lot to ease ones soul.
Life seems fuller of questions these days than answers. What I know for sure right now is that I have entered a new phase of my life. This phase will cause me to stop, reevaluate, change, and cry more than I ever knew possible. It will also be a time where I will daily be reminded of what a blessed life I have. I am surrounded by amazing friends and family. I have amazing parents that I love even more than I realized. And hopefully I will remember to be gentle with myself and allow myself moments to stop and recharge. This is not a sprint but rather a marathon one that will take every bit of energy, love, and courage I can muster.